And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
