I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You were trust falling into bushes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize