my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
