Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And then my night got REAL pukey
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
