He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
