Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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