We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
