i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
50% drunk capacity currently
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
