Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
