everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
