The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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