my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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