He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
