I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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