He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
