so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
