I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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