I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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