Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
