This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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