my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
