i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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