I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
