I think I died a long time ago.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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