loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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