My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I need moral support for this bender
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
