A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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