Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
