Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
