I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
