i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize