I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
