I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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