I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
