The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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