There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
