airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize