dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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