no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize