i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
