Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
