Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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