I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
