def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
