I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
