you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
