I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
