Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
