I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
