well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
