I have demons in me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
