Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
