If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
