I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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