I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
