I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
