took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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