He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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