we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
