im having a threesome with these popsicles
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
