i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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