dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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