bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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