I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Farmville is her only friend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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