Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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