Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
