Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
