What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
