Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she woke up with a sticky ear
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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