marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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