people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
