in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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