Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
