Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
