my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
