yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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