So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
last night I used snow as a chaser
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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