Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize