walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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