No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
false alarm, still single
Randomize