I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
