Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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